Will you be tired to be with me at this age?
he probably didn't expect me to ask such a question and choked on the smoke twice.
after a while, he replied earnestly:
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"actually, I don't really remember her. All I can remember is a feeling."
the story begins a few days ago, when the weather was not so hot.
at that time, I had been wearing a mask at the company for a long time and felt a little bored, so I went to the hallway to catch my breath.
A colleague just came to smoke and started talking to me.
maybe it's because the evening wind is too comfortable. I said, "I suddenly feel like chatting in the hallway between college classes."
he took a puff of his cigarette: "I fucking miss it."
following that atmosphere, we naturally talked about the past.
he said that at that time, as long as there were no classes in the afternoon, he would go to play ball with his brothers and go back to the dormitory to take a cold shower until he was sweating.
then, wearing slippers and shorts, I went downstairs to the girls' dormitory, called my girlfriend and went out for a midnight snack hand in hand.
at this point, he laughed: "I didn't know how to cherish it at that time, and I still thought that the girls' dormitory was so fucking far away."
I laughed with him, and I could totally imagine that picture from his description.
I do care a little bit about "can't forget".
should be a lot of people are the same, do not mind the other half of the past, but will mind his "past" does not have the past.
especially when I learned that my boyfriend always kept the photo album from his girlfriend in college and took it to change three houses with us, it was hard for me not to keep a thorn in my heart.
that thorn is so thin that it doesn't pose any threat to our relationship, it just makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable.
what pulled me back from this "discomfort" was the reply that my colleagues had been thinking about for a long time:
"actually, I don't remember her very much. All I can remember is a feeling."
but in the sentence written on the first page of the album: "to the 20-year-old you".
just like the one who is often missed, it is not the person you like at that age, but the age when you like someone who is not so complicated.
sadly, I don't know from what point in time, we are getting farther and farther away from that "less complicated" age.
all I know is that many relationships have become less simple after graduation.
my boyfriend and I have quarreled more than once over "existing problems" and "possible problems in the future".
as to why this happened, I can vaguely recall a few clips that have had a great impact on me in recent years.
once, after learning that I was living with my boyfriend, my mother said to me very seriously:
"now that you two live together, you two should save your money and try to buy a house in Guangzhou."
he saw the things on the cabinet at home through the screen and asked me, "what are those? why are there so many?"
my father was silent for a long time before saying, "it doesn't look practical."
this makes me a little frustrated to realize that "together" is much harder now, and we don't seem to be ready.
so, I don't envy the person who can participate in his past. I just worry that I may not be able to participate in his future.
my colleague chatted with me for a long time that night.
he said: "Girls always want to show up a few years earlier and spend the best age with each other, while boys always want to show up a few years later in order to have the ability to give each other later."
"whatever, it would be nice to meet him."
ask two questions:
did you star us?